Ways To Miscarry

How the emotional strain of miscarriage tore our relationship apart

Amanda Holden is wowing West End audiences every night as Princess Fiona in Shrek The Musical, but behind her professional on-stage smiles lies the private agony of her attempts to have a second child. Last year, the actress and presenter, 40, miscarried at four months – heralding what was ‘without doubt the blackest period’ of her life. Because of that, she kept her subsequent pregnancy secret for six months, after which she joyfully revealed her growing bump to the cameras, telling journalists about her excitement – and of her young daughter’s too. (Lexi, now five, and Amanda had already enjoyed secret shopping trips to buy baby clothes.) Tragically, weeks later, following concern that her baby hadn’t been moving, a scan revealed that her son was stillborn (the official term for a baby that dies in utero after 24 weeks). A statement described Amanda and her husband Chris Hughes as ‘utterly devastated’. It seems that no medical reason has yet been found.

No one could fail to be moved by Amanda’s painful journey, but for some women her story will be particularly poignant. Though most of us associate secondary infertility with the inability to conceive following the successful birth of one or more children, in many cases, conceiving isn’t the problem. It’s carrying a baby to term that proves difficult.

‘Being unable to become pregnant a second time or suffering recurrent miscarriages are both extremely difficult situations,’ says Ruth Bender Atik, director of the Miscarriage Association. ‘Sometimes women in the latter group are told, “Well, at least you can get pregnant.” Whereas their own feeling is, “What’s the point?” They’d rather not have the ups followed by the terrible downs.’

Amy Scrimshaw endured the sorrow of six miscarriages in a row after the birth of her daughter Matilda. ‘The first time, I became pregnant at the same time as my sister,’ says Amy. ‘But at 12 weeks I started bleeding, and a scan showed that the baby must have died at eight or nine weeks. It’s actually painful to think of yourself walking around believing you’re pregnant when you’re not any more. You almost feel stupid.’

Knowing that this was probably a one-off and that miscarriages are common, Amy became pregnant again, towards the end of her sister’s pregnancy.

My Miscarriage – Just After Finding Out (Waiting To Miscarry ...

I am soo very sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel because I found out I was pregnant and was about 12 weeks along when I noticed spotting and went to the ER and they did an internal ultrasound it was late at night and it was me an my fiance… The ultrasound tech looked at me and said that she couldnt see a heart beat but that it was still early on and it could still be faint. So I was schedualed to see a obgyn the following week and to stay in bed.

Thank you for sharing this. I am sorry for your loss. You have helped not only women in a situation similar to your own, but myself, as a student midwife, to understand what women who have lost their babies are going through, and how I can help them. (Not telling women to be quiet! Totally inappropriate of those nurses to treat you like that!). Thanks again for sharing.

Thank you for sharing this. I am sorry for your loss. You have helped not only women in a situation similar to your own, but myself, as a student midwife, to understand what women who have lost their babies are going through, and how I can help them. (Not telling women to be quiet! Totally inappropriate of those nurses to treat you like that!). Thanks again for sharing.

im sorry your not alone i found out i was 7 weeks 2 hours later i started bleeding then i was taken to the e.r till 1am 2 days before easter and i didnt even get to tell anyone im pregnant didnt have it even long enough to say hey mom your gonna be a grandma im 22 i dont know anything about this stuff people dont consider him/her a baby they wouldn’t give me a ultra sound im hurting alot still i dont understand it im scared and i dont understand my baby mothers day is coming up too

Hi Racheous….I am a medical assistant who works in an obstetrics practice….You reminded me to treat all my patients as people and not diagnoses. It is easy to try and protect my own feelings while at work (I lost a baby too), but I don’t want to become cold and calloused to the women in my practice who have gone through or are going through this. Thank you for sharing this….so glad to see you have had a healthy pregnancy after this one.

i totally understand what you are going through! i myself miscarried just 3 days before xmas last year, i think the thing that hurt the most wasnt the physical pain it was the emotional pain, Getting yourself all excited about the pending new edition to the family then suddenly it all gets crushed just like that! im still trying to get over it all but it still haunts me, im to scared to try again as the pain is to unbearable i couldnt handle miscarrying again! im so sorry for your loss!

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